One Month Later - Day 83

Wow. . . now that was really long.  Sorry about that!  Life has been CRAZY to say the least!  I am sitting at my desk at work converting some video, and thought i'd do a quick update while I wait.


Love life. . . boo.  Went on a blind date last night that was so horrible that I probably will never do it again.  I have never been so creeped out in my life!!!


Diet. . . been better, but now that i'm home it will be easy to get back on track.  Also, the weather is getting nicer, so i'll be getting outside more.  Maybe some longer bike rides with my girls.

I've been a little out of the loop for about a week.  Time to come back to life.  I have been working on my poster. . . I was really excited to do it on the event I planned on covering for my event video.  The event is now though pushed until the end of April.  Guess I'll have to choose another.  Ugh.  There was just so much potential with that one!!!  GRRR


Las Vegas you would think would be a great place to obtain some video.  Yeah, maybe if you're willing to carry around your video camera in the crowds and get yelled at for running video where you "didn't have permission."  PFFT, get over it.  I actually told some old man it was a calculator and he believed me.  Heh.  Still didn't get much done though.  I worked my butt off.  


My family has been shaken up a bit by the news that my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer on Friday.  It's not looking great, well, we really don't know at this point how bad it's looking at all.  Surgery is next Friday, then well have more news.  I really want to do some video about her journey through this, but I'm pretty sure she'll murder me in my sleep for it.  
Tonight. . . girls with crayons.  


Till then. . .

Day 49

There are many benefits to “knowing people,” but there are also downfalls.  Like when you get excited about using a new camera for your next project, and you even reschedule time to be able to use it, and then, “oh, man i’m sorry, I forgot it.”

Oh well!  I’ll be using my JVC again for this shoot.  I am looking on the bright side and reminding myself that it really does do better in low light, which I am most likely going to have to shoot in.  

Awesome BBQ for lunch today.  My daughter has spent the day with me at the office and has been extremely good.  Tonight, dinner and a movie with a friend and the girls.  Can’t wait to just chill for a bit.  

Days 40-48

Ok, so I guess this has turned into a weekly blog.  I have been required to start a blog for school as well.  Ugh.  Now 2 blogs, a video posting website, twitter, and of course facebook, are taking up WAY too much of my time.  For school or not. . . it's crazy.

By taking the brilliant advise of a professor of mine, many of you know I landed a pretty kick ass job.  There are days where it is really hard to balance a job like this, a 15 hour course-load, and raise 3 amazing daughters.  Then there are days where it pays off.

I have been thinking about purchasing a Kodak Zi8, but have been hesitant after a couple of my classmates returned theirs.  My boss bought one yesterday.  SWEET!  He’s going to let me try it.  You don’t get many “try it before you buy it” opportunities with electronics.  So… yay crazy life… thanks for the bonus.

Taping my video this weekend.  (it was the only time my “subject” was free)

I have been asked out on a couple of dates, but I'm just not ready.  The closest i'm coming is a huge group dinner on Friday night.  HA.  I really think all of this is just crazy.  I'm thinking of an arranged marriage.  Hmmm.

Diet: AWESOME!  I only have one more pound to lose to get to my next goal.  I've been eating oatmeal every morning, and I think that's done a lot of the work for me.  Fills me up, keeps me full until lunch. . .and it's SUPER TASTY!

Parenting class for Parents of Children of Divorce tonight. . . :-/

Till then. . .

Days 35-39

Today was epic.  I'm really not sure how to explain it, but it was.  I went to a church event for new members, and a couple of friends went with me for support.  Very fulfilling.

I got SO much done today at work, that tomorrow I will be able to relax totally, and maybe knock out some stuff for school.  After dinner tonight, I met a friend for a beer.  It was great sitting with someone, and being completely honest . . . even brutal at times, with how i'm feeling about life.  I really. . . truly. . . do not feel like the true love thing exists.  Neither does he. . . so it was nice to not feel alone for the first time in a week! He poured his heart out about his new girlfriend, and he said it felt good to get that stuff out.  Sometimes, people just need friends.

I miss my girls.  More this week than usual.  Not sure why.

KARAOKE!  This weekend, a few friends are coming into town, and we're all going out together.  They say it's for my "new independence," knowing that it's not something i'm excited about, but they're just trying to make me feel better.  I love them for that.  It seems like we're celebrating my independence more than anything these days.  I can't wait for the day that we're celebrating my happiness. . . rather than my loneliness.  Someday. . . .Soon.  Maybe.

Sorry if this sometimes sounds like whining.  Give me more than a week.  I'm really fine.  School is great, friends are great, and new friends will be great too.

Diet is AWESOME!  2 more lbs lost!  I haven't been this driven for a long time.  I'm very proud of myself! I hope all of you are having a great week.  I hope it's not long before I blog again.

Till then. . .

Days 33 & 34

It's now been 2 days.  Alone would be a good way to say how I feel.  I have been trying my best to stay busy at all costs.  My girls have had a great week, and I have decided to just keep as things were normal for them.  They know nothing. If I tell them they may never see Michael again, they'd be so sad.  They really, really loved him.  If I just gradually mention him less and less, they'll probably get used to him not being there.

So. . . as if dating wasn't horrible enough, I'm faced with the possibility of having to some day start up again.  After an 11 year marriage, I thought dating wouldn't be so bad.  WRONG!  I think it's more heartbreaking than it ever was when I was a kid.  But I guess it will inevitably happen, and hopefully when it does, I will have found someone really great.

My diet has been going really well lately, and I've lost another 3 lbs.  On a roll!  I really need to get going with Yoga, and some running, or I'll start to slow down.

School is just getting rolling, and I think it's going to be a great semester.  I am already learning so much, and have benefited at work because of it.  I was offered another job.  Denied it. . . as usual.  I have to finish school people!!

Till then. . .

Days 30-32

"If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise" --- Robert Fritz

Some days we face challenges that we don't want to face.  They blindside you when you're least expecting it, and force you to make choices that you weren't prepared to make.  I have found that it's best for me to just meditate about it, and think before my actual thoughts are revealed.  Sometimes, they never are, and sometimes that's for the best.

It's a crazy how heartbreak feels the same when you're 30 that it does when you're 3 and you break your favorite toy.  Tears, chills, and the feeling that . . . well, there are just no words to explain it, it's simply .  . . painful.

With an incredible challenge in front of me, I am faced with siding with either my head or my heart.  That "follow your heart" stuff is sometimes a bunch of hooey, but I feel like maybe I need to compromise.  Follow both?  By putting my heart out on the table, i'm making the choice to either be hurt or loved.  I am a person who loves with all my heart when I choose to, and I care about people easily.  I have been told that I don't speak my mind often.  My choices determine my future, and I choose my battles wisely.

When I kiss someone, and feel goosebumps.  When they are the first person I think of when I wake up, and the last when I go to sleep, I know there's something there.  Feelings happen . . .  but whether you act on them or open your heart to them, I believe is a choice.

"Whether we love, or close our hearts to love, is a mental choice we make, every moment of every day" --- Marrianne Williamson 

Till then . . .

 

Days 28 and 29

Diet = epic failure

But who can blame me!  I'm in Seattle!!  Home of some of the most incredible seafood a person can get their hands on!  And tomorrow. . . i'm eating doughnuts!! I heard about a place called Lola on food network.  I plan on it!  Last night I had prime rib.  Mmmmm.

I am in Olympia, but I'm about to catch a train back to seattle.  I plan to go to Pike Place Market, and do a little touring before it gets to dark.  Speaking of dark, it gets dark really early here.  It makes me appreciate just how much daylight we have back in Kansas.

I actually can't wait to board the train.  The amtrak trains up here are really nice!  Leather interior, and plenty of leg room for this 6'2" girl.  :-)

A fountain that's obviously NOT automatic.  But I enjoyed watching

the girl standing in front of it for awhile before telling her.  hehe.

I will be home tomorrow night, and will hopefully have a few beautiful pictures for you.

Till then. . .